Well I guess the relationship that I have with my parents who are still alive and well. My dad just turned 77 and my mom turned 80. One is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s which does run in that side of the family and the other one is in the 25% area of Dementia. Since I was born and from since I could remember the relationship that was shown to me was pretty much the factor that yes I have parents, but are they really going to nurture and help me grow, nah not really. Growing up early makes you realize the reality around you that would show me that I am on my own, don’t dream, and they will not protect me in any way. I grew up at 5 and had to take care of myself while my parents worked and when it came to my homework, well I had to teach myself a lot of things, so I was a know it all and still am, but I do know a lot and I will be like my uncle who married my husband and I traditionally!
All my life I have been taken advantage of and I mean in a way that no child should experience life because I was first molested when I was 5 by another 5 year old, at 8 by a cousin that had down syndrome, around 10 I was jumped by two boys trying to see my underwear and when I got away I ran all the way home and I tried telling my dad, but all he could say is that it was my fault. Then after graduating and being sent overseas in 2001, Thanksgiving is when I get raped the first time and under roofies. I would say a month later I was raped again by a fellow soldier. Now after everything I have been through and getting kicked out for trying to get justice or my wrongs done to me, I am now returning a very damaged person and to someone I love like crazy, but too scared since everything happened. I was treating my fiance like a stranger and so my PTSD got worse.
When I finally told my parents all the things I had been through and why I was back, well one they didn’t believe me, making my mental state worse, they weren’t going to help me, and eventually I would be told that I need to get over it because it happened a long time ago. After that I knew and started finding out that I have really been all by myself the entire time. I mean I stayed in El Paso after marrying him and figured I was alone, but then my father in law passed and we moved back to my home in Northern New Mexico or 50 feet away from my parents to help them in their old age, but all they have done is make my mental health worse. I mean aside from always getting cursed by someone in the family because they are jealous of my success.
Aside from all of that there is also the time I was partially paralyzed, pushing myself to walk again. Going through so much depression due to the fact that my family is bullshit, I mean I am anemic, almost needing blood transfusions to survive, because my blood count keeps going down like I am literally bleeding out. I tried killing myself a couple times and my parents say “hope she didn’t cut again?” Upsetting daughter that they already knew my tendencies, but never helped. Then last year I broke my ankle and walked a quarter mile back home and when I went to the ER they stated that it was broken. Usually it takes a while to get rehabilitated from that type of break, but I am just different when pain is involved. Even though my parents aren’t there, at least my husband has been by my side for over 25 years and I know that this relationship was never wanted by either family. We both fought for one another and still follow the vows, so my marriage is what has taught me love.
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