Asked to Testify for female that was harassed by Valentine as well!

Reading that headline is thinking, “oh! I guess that means that she testified?” That would have been correct, but before moving back home to New Mexico I was contacted by a female soldier that was working with a female that she states has been harassed by Valentine. Nothing major like my situation, but still fucked up, because they got me all excited that maybe I would receive justice or I would get more than what I was given. Especially when I can’t be around any males, because I get panic attacks and eventually I filed for disability through VA, which I got, but then I would have to fight to get 100% since I was only at a 70% rating. So the lawyer lady stated that her and her colleagues would interview me, which they did and got various questions answered. Then came the day when they stated I needed to be reading to testify, they backed out and didn’t need my testimony.

Well that is when shit hit the fan, because decided not to use anything I knew, which made me relive the horrible details of what happened and all I could do was try to keep my mind straight, since I was unable to go to see a doctor unless I would come home. I started getting flashbacks, having nightmares, fearing every male that walks my way when they were the ones that I trusted until I was wronged not once but twice. I could say the most hurtful moment I had to live with was telling my parents and they did not even believe me and would just make me feel like more shit. Then again I swear that was their job to kick me when I was down, to believe my mom had the audacity of saying that I needed to just get over my rape and then I would have to celebrate such a disgusting holiday with turkeys and what not. Fucked up shit is I was raped during that time.

I guess the great news is I am still alive and at one point I ended up being banned on Facebook for trying to self-delete from existence, so they froze my account and I ended up having to recreate another one, but it took a little over a year and now I am back to my original profile and you can hit me up there or at the other page I have as well. I won’t lie my way of dealing with my shit was to cut, because it was something I knew I could control and it felt like a drug. Eventually I would accumulate many scars from all the cuts I made on my legs or arms where it was not noticeable. I’m not perfect, but I have tried self destruction at one point many times. At first I would role play with my dad’s .38, unloaded of course. Eventually they would hid all the weapons, so I would have other options, but never really got too close, accept for that one day that I had to be on 24 hour suicide watch. Today I am better, but I am pretty crazy so you know what they say, don’t argue with a crazy person, they are hard to outsmart! Lol.