MST Awareness

First of all, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! For those that do not know what MST stands for, is “Military Sexual Trauma”, in other words, any and all types of sexual assaults. As for me, well it is just a recurring nightmare that I have had to live with all these years. This includes the times that I didn’t have the ability to see a psychiatrist, because I had no type of support through the Army, Veterans Affair, or just in general. So there were years I just somehow kept it together and never gave up. I got out of the service in 2002 and it is 2025, but I just barely started getting help or benefits when I lost my job at GIMC. Which was 10 years ago. I went 13 years without much medical help.

For me, I experienced rape and twice, by two different people and different days. The first time was during the Thanksgiving time where I was attending our platoon’s dinner party. I guess not really realizing that someone would put a drug into my drink. Last thing I remembered was taking shots and then I woke up here and there. There was even a moment when I knew what was happening and tried to run for the door, where I was picked up again and put on a bed. A couple of minutes later I feel pressure in my abdomen and I knew. I guess I passed out completely and this guy had a go at whatever he wanted. The next time I would wake up is in his arms, while he carried me back to my room with my roommate. So, there were about 12 people that witnesses this and did nothing. The people I met in Camp Red Cloud were better at supporting me. If only I knew that CRC was better, but it is what it is.

Well this is Sgt. Valentine, Rodney who was the first to rape me with the use of flunitrazepam, or the date rape drug. Of course he wore a condom and gave me shit for the time I had to work with him, until I was changed to another duty station. I was just 18, and thank God I lost my virginity before because if this would have been a different way I probably wouldn’t be here today! That was the first rape I reported, but that was not the only rape I went through because there was also a soldier by the name Spc. Ferere, Gabriel who also raped me. There was a day that I was trying to hide from Valentine and I ran into Ferere’s room and automatically he pulled down my pants and went at it. I told him no and to stop, which he did, but this I did not report, because of the shitty job that the company did with the first and main rape. So I have just been carrying that with me since then.

Up until this very day, I still have no justice and my mental health has been getting worse. I mean I can’t even work, because my IT colleagues were all male. Sometimes I suffered panic attacks, anxiety attacks, as well as insomnia. I still deal with these, but it’s a one day at a time type of ordeal. The last I heard about this piece of shit was that he was court-martialed with one demotion down to Master Sergeant and was still allowed to get all benefits and I just barely got mine 10 years ago. Crazy because the maximum punishment for rape in the Army was death, but nope just a slap on the wrist. I was even asked to testify, knowing that this would affect me more, but another female reported him for putting hands on her and she didn’t like it. Then the Army says no we don’t need your testimony. I was getting more and more suicidal, but the military really could care less. I’ve been wanting to find a lawyer, but I guess I am just so old that I am tired of all the bullshit!