MADE to think I am Ugly!

All my life I have always been made to see myself as being ugly or not even worth anyone’s time. Sure my mom tried to put me in dresses and make me act more feminine, but that was not me. Nope I am a true tomboy forever, I prefer being in the guys world, but growing up my parents never stated that I was pretty or nizhoni. In other words my judgement on myself was that I was an ugly Loner, haha, I mean even in school I was treated in this way as well. That is another reason that I stopped trusting anyone, because in 7th grade I had my crushes and for some reason thought I could be with one of these guys. So what happens, well I guess a couple of kids in my class decided to play Truth or Dare! And one of these guys chose DARE and it was to ask me out. Getting asked out was what had made my day and then later they would tell me, nah it was just fun to see you and the way you would react. So from that day forward I would not trust anything my classmates stated.

I continued to feel alone, worthless and very ugly, but to put the icing on the cake is when a poll was passed around during high school, not sure which year, but I guess what the class did was wrote down everyone’s names, well chick’s and they would grade each between 0-10. 10 of course being that you are hot, but what I got was a 6. Sucked to know that is what people thought about me, but then I learned that aspect of “Beauty is a curse”. Which it is because even as ugly as I was I have continued to feel either flashbacks of my rape or any and all molestations that have happened to me. Once I got into the Army the attraction for me was different, so aside from being a tomboy, I was stalked by many guys over the years. No matter what I would always be bothered by those that I get along with better and those are my male friends. However, I have grown up enough to choose the friends that I want to make my family and those are the people I appreciate!